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Climate Change “Experts” Kill Ming, the World’s Oldest Animal

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Climate Change “Experts” Kill Ming, the World’s Oldest Animal

In an attempt to ascertain the age of a really old clam named Ming, environmental scientists killed it in 2006. At that time, the climate change “experts” cracking it open thought is was 405 years old. More recent analysis indicates it was actually 507 years old on the day of its ill-fated run-in with nature-loving scientists.

So, that means that everything from carbon emissions to volcanic eruptions to climate change to the industrial revolution to unbridled capitalism left old Ming totally unfazed. But a crack-team of treehuggers killed him off in three seconds with one flick of a shucking knife. I wonder if they ate his ancient flesh for good measure.

In a baffling paragraph, ocean scientist Paul Butler, from the same Bangor University that funded the clam’s execution, explained why Ming’s currently posited age of 507 is certain:

We got it wrong the first time and maybe we were a bit hasty publishing our findings back then. But we are absolutely certain that we’ve got the right age now.

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