TRAGEDY: Groundhog Day’s “Punxsutawney Phil” Sees Four More Years of Obama, Shoots Himself!
The following is satire
(PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA) —Less than a week after declaring he did not see his shadow but did see four more years of an Obama in office, Punxsutawney Phil, the famed weather-forecasting groundhog of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, has been found dead in the town’s square. Adding to the shock and tragedy of Punxsutawney Phil’s death is its apparent cause:suicide, and the reason behind it.
Authorities say the prognosticating rodent took his own life over night, just hours after predicting an early spring last Saturday morning along with four more years of Obama in the White House. Said a sobbing Punxsutawney Police Chief Thomas N. Fedigan Jr. to reporters, Sunday, “It appears Phil, our beloved groundhog, took his own life by a single gunshot to his temple. A nine-millimeter handgun was found next to him …There are no signs of foul play. A suicide note has also been found scratched into a wooden light pole near Phil.”